I travelled to England and was upset with myself that I didn't bring a camera.

Was informed by palace guards that the reason for "the yanks" poor turnout on election day is a direct result of our refusal to write handwritten letters. The Brits communicate in longhand with such ferocity that curbside mailboxes have become inundated with calligraphic correspondence. Excess letters are fastened to the branches of trees.

I kept running into other Americans who were learning German and wanted to speak it to people on the street. They were having good luck with this. I told them they wouldn't have such luck finding bilingual people in America. I spoke these words in German.

The menu stated draft beer comes in 3 sizes: 1/3 pint, 1/2 pint, and pint. The pub had only two choices: Miller Lite and Budweiser. Embarrassed and horrified by my country's invasion of the British pub I ordered hot chocolate. The drink was delicious, and I found comfort in the discovery that Swiss Miss had yet to reach the shores of England.